The Truth About Female Desire Spontaneous vs. responsive (and libido vs. stress).

Key points
A discrepancy in sexual desire is one of the most common relationship problems that couples have.
Men regularly have spontaneous sexual desire, which seems to appear out of the blue.
Women, however, are more likely to experience responsive desire after being turned on by some stimuli.
That look—I know that look well. The furrowed brow, the sense of holding back tears, a slight downward tilt of the head: that look on a female client's face when she tells me, "Never. I never really feel like having sex with my husband. I feel broken. I love him; I just never feel like doing it."
Science tells us she's normal. They're all normal, all of the female clients who sit before me and shamefully tell me this. It's not that they don't have any sexual desire; they just don't realize that they have a different kind of desire, and therein lies the key to a better sex life.
The truth is 70 percent of women hardly ever want sex out of the blue. But this isn't the only way to want sex.
Spontaneous versus responsive sexual desire
"Spontaneous desire" can be thought of as the feeling that you get when you randomly, out of the blue, want sex. It is what most of us traditionally view as being horny, randy, hot to trot—whatever you want to call it. Seventy-five percent of men primarily experience desire in this way. However, most women are different. For most women, sexual arousal actually precedes the feeling of sexual desire; women's desire is primarily "responsive desire," meaning sexual desire that occurs in response to sexual arousal or sexual stimuli.
This means that to experience sexual desire (especially in the context of a long-term relationship), most women have to be "turned on" in some way first. Let me say that again—for women, most often, arousal comes first, and desire comes after.
Given that much of our ideas about sexuality are based on the "male as default," women expect their sexual desire to be just like the average man's. To be laying in bed after a long day of work and childcare and still experience the spontaneous desire to have sex. They think there is something wrong with them when they don't.
But there isn't. Having primarily responsive desire, women need the right context to get into the mood. Most women need two things before their sexual desire can come online: (1) low stress and (2) erotic sensation (touch, visual, or auditory).
Stress: The ultimate libido-killer
You may have noticed that you have the best sex when you are on vacation, and you wonder, "Why can't this happen all the time?!"
This makes more sense when we think about the fact that we have two competing parts of our nervous systems: the parasympathetic "rest-and-digest" branch and the sympathetic "fight-or-flight" branch. When our "fight-or-flight" branch is activated, the body reacts in ways that prepare for fighting off or running away from a predator, and the "rest-and-digest" branch, responsible for bringing relaxation to the nervous system, is deactivated. Non-urgent functions such as digestion and sex are halted in lieu of responses to run away or fight threats to our immediate survival. It's hard to want to have sex when your body feels that there is a lion chasing you.
Stress can come in many forms. For example, concerns about the relationship, the grocery list, body image, sexual performance, whether the experienced level of desire is "normal," etc., can all create stress. Thus, stress makes more stress, and a wicked cycle ensues whereby stress about one's desire reduces desire in itself. Given that humans, especially women, need to be in a safe context where the parasympathetic branch of their nervous systems is activated in order to experience desire, our modern, busy, and stress-filled lifestyles are killing desire.
Use sensation to activate responsive desire.
It's normal for women to need a little "warming up" before experiencing the desire to have sex. For example, a woman might be watching a movie, and a steamy sex scene comes on, and she's turned on. Or, when she goes to bed at night, and her partner turns over and kisses her, she doesn't immediately feel like taking it all the way but starts to feel the desire as that make-out session progresses. Again, arousal precedes desire in many cases, especially for women.
You can use erotic sensation to turn on desire no matter what desire style you have. If you're a woman wanting to have more sex but not experiencing spontaneous desire, you may want to try allowing yourself to fully immerse yourself in foreplay and see if your responsive desire comes online. If you're a man feeling frustrated by your partner's seeming lack of desire, try asking for consent to sensually touch her in ways that build up to the "main event" to activate her responsive desire.
When I tell my female clients about responsive desire, I often get a look: widened eyes, a slight smile. They finally know there is nothing wrong with them, and they know a better sex life can be on their horizon. It just takes a little foreplay.
Facebook image: PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock
References
www.Dr-Tasha.com
The Temple News examines the growing trend of sex-toy parties. In the 1950s, the Tupperware company created its now-famous “party plan” to sell its wares. Parties were run by female consultants for the host, who was responsible for inviting friends to come learn about, and buy, new products. Hosts were rewarded with discounts and free merchandise. In the post-World War II America, women were hungry for ways to maintain the independence they had gained from entering the workforce in the 1940s. Selling Tupperware became an outlet for empowering women to earn an income while preserving their roles as domestic leaders. The product itself also empowered women by freeing them from the responsibility of cooking three meals every day and afforded them with mobility away from the household. Fast-forward to the 1970s, when women were still basking in the glow of their sexual revolution. The first sex-toy parties began to appear during this era, using the same formula of direct marketing, as Tupperware used with its parties. Sex-toy parties increased in popularity during the years, which has been suggested to reflect the increase in self actualization of the modern woman. Today, sex-toy parties are run more or less the same as they were at its inception, although sometimes with a more high-tech product line. A woman decides she wants to host one of these no-boys-allowed parties—known as slumber parties—and contacts the company to send out a consultant, free of charge. Consultants set up their wares and distribute a “wish list” of products to each guest, who are encouraged to write down their interests and curiosities throughout the presentation. The consultant begins with the less risqué items, such as body lotions, books and novelties. After a break for eating, drinking, cigarettes and socializing, the group comes back together for the more heavy duty equipment. More serious items include dildos, vibrators and specialty items. After all the products have been shown, each guest goes into a private room with the consultant to ask any personal questions and to place orders. Prices range from $20 to $150 for a toy. Products are safe and high quality, and more expensive items typically come with replacement warranties. Many toys sold in novelty shops contain a harmful plastic, which these specialty companies avoid working with. These plastics can hinder fertility when introduced to the reproductive region. Explanations and demonstrations of products are interspersed with games in which guests can win small prizes. Consultants are often asked for advice on sexual health, and many incorporate historical and health-related information into their presentations. Due to the nature of the job, many representatives have backgrounds working in health, sexuality, education or sex education. Regardless of professional background, most share a common focus on female empowerment. “The consultant is there to make money, but the majority of women who do it have the whole ‘know your body’ mentality,” said junior risk management major Rachel C., who spoke on the condition of partial anonymity due to her involvement in organizations on Main Campus. Rachel hosted her second sex-toy party this past weekend. Rachel said she has been to three sex-toy parties in the past four years and said she loved the experience so much that she wanted to share it with her friends. “I think most people worry that they’re inexperienced and [are] gonna look like an idiot. People have a notion that it’s going to be uncomfortable, but a good consultant makes it so there isn’t time to be uncomfortable because you’re laughing,” she said. The Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance recently hosted a sex-toy party in the Student Center on Monday, Oct. 10. They also hosted a “history of the vibrator” lecture on Main Campus. “People were really nervous, but because [the consultant was] such a professional she handled it well,” senior Alyssa Treff, FMLA secretary and English literature and composition major, said. “There was a lot of laughter and excitement. Almost everything was available to pass around which fostered camaraderie.” The camaraderie between partygoers plays an important role in the attractiveness of these events. “I used to be the only one of my friends with a vibrator, and now all eight of them do,” Rachel said. “Making it such a fun event removes the stigma of it being something bad.” “This is what your girlfriends are for,” Rachel added, emphasizing the importance of being able to be open about masturbation and sex with friends. Treff agreed, and said that one of the best things about hosting an event like the sex-toy party for her organization is that it brings attention to the fact that a group exists on Main Campus that is trying to make the subject OK to talk about. The university is supportive of FMLA’s efforts and has approved the sex-toy event for several years. “[In the past, women] were used for a purpose, but now it’s not all about the man and what you’re going to give to him. It’s removing the double standard. We’re not fragile playthings,” Rachel said. With the current popularity of sex toy parties, it is evident that women are truly taking control of their own sexuality and are now more prepared than ever to open up a dialogue about pleasure with their partners. Treff said that pre-existing ideas about sex are fixable, and being self-aware, as the sex toy party encourages, enables women to get the most out of their sexual experiences. “We’re finally ready to take control of our sexuality,” Treff said. “It’s very empowering.” “Even beyond being empowering, it’s fun,” Rachel said. “[College can be] all about jobs and what other million organizations you’re involved in. You never have five minutes to just chill,” she added. “It’s five hours where you have nothing to worry about but laughing, having a good time with your friends, learning and being able to leave with lots of fun things.” Victoria Marchiony can be reached at victoria.marchiony@temple.edu.

How can more women allow themselves to experience sexual pleasure? That's one of the central questions in The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution, a book published this month by public health researcher and journalist Katherine Rowland. Rowland explores why American women aren't happy with their sex lives — and what they can do about it. A landmark study from 1999 found that over 40% of women surveyed experienced sexual dysfunction — the inability to feel satisfied by sex. A contributing factor, noted the researchers, was the lasting psychological effects of sexual trauma. The Pleasure Gap The Pleasure Gap American Women & the Unfinished Sexual Revolution By Katherine Rowland The Pleasure Gap highlights how desire and the mind are linked for women. "Pleasure is inextricable from our social status, compressed and constrained by financial factors, by safety factors, by objectification," she says. We need to remove these barriers, she says, to experience sex with the "full freedom, expression, range and truth that we're endowed with." Rowland argues that it is possible for women to take charge and reignite their libidos. She talked to NPR about why fake orgasms are a cause for alarm, how much sex couples should have per week and "sexological bodywork." This interview has been edited for length and clarity. You take issue with some of the research that tries to quantify sexual frequency and the idea that once a week may be the "optimal" amount. So how much sex should we be having? Our national obsession with sexual frequency and the terrifying specter of dead bedrooms overrides the fundamental importance of sexual quality. There is no volume of sex that's more or less good. For whatever reason, researchers have embraced this idea that we should be having sex once a week — that it's enough to sustain relationships and that it keeps depression, heart disease and obesity at bay. But none of that research looks at how participants actually feel about that sex — other than feeling good that they can check the box for having done it. You interviewed more than 120 women for this book. Many in heterosexual, long-term relationships told you that sex was an act of drudgery and that they often did whatever it took to get the job done. This felt sad to me. I found myself feeling beaten down by the near ubiquity of stories of faking it in that context. We tend to treat faking it as such a jokey matter. When the media reports on studies that try and capture the percentage of women who fake orgasm during sex, it tends to be from a male perspective saying "ouch" — focusing more on the bruising of men's feelings that occurs when women are lying to them as opposed to concerns surrounding the fact that women aren't feeling good. That women are feigning their pleasure in order to hasten that experience along — I think we need to treat that with real alarm. We need to ask: What's going on in that women are engaging in spectacle as opposed to actually allowing themselves to feel sensation? How To Talk About Sex (And Consent): 4 Lessons From The Kink Community Shots - Health News How To Talk About Sex (And Consent): 4 Lessons From The Kink Community Your book explores how some women have a low desire for sex. How does this happen? Among the women who I spoke to, the persistent low desire was heavily associated with the idea that sex should revolve around penetration as the main course, with maybe a polite prelude of a foreplay, rather than thinking about sex as a broader universe of intimacy. It's the combination of a larger culture that privileges male sexuality over women's, a culture that doesn't teach women that pleasure belongs to them. A lack of anatomical self-knowledge. And feelings of sort of persistent danger and women being often censored and censured for expressing their desire. You push back against the idea that the female orgasm is mysterious and elusive, which is how the media has sometimes described it. What would be a more accurate way to understand the female orgasm? It's more like riding a bicycle. You learn how to do it. And what we see is that as women become more versed with what their body can do, orgasm becomes more readily achievable. The female orgasm tends to get wrapped up in these fuzzy terms like "elusive" and "hazy" and "mysterious" because women aren't encouraged to explore what actually feels good. But if they were encouraged to self-pleasure and explore in real, sincere ways by themselves and with their partners, I think they would find that there is a world of pleasurable sensation available to them. In your book, you say that the goal is for women to have a "profound sexual experience." What do you mean by that? It can mean a number of things, and I don't think it necessarily has to be a sexual encounter in terms of our often narrow understanding of sex. The women who I spoke to describe it to me as feelings of transcendence, of approaching sex not just as a way for getting off or feeling good, but as a portal into a deeper state of self-knowledge. They often use the word "spiritual" — the alignment of self, sensation and possibility. Pleasure so deep it felt like a homecoming, like they had been restored to themselves, to the depths of their potential. How can women regain control over their sex lives? The first thing to do would be to stop absorbing [unscientific] outside knowledge. There is such a rash of faulty information out there as a result of our lack of sound science and solid education. We've seen this proliferation of experts pandering to the lowest common denominator. Online, you'll find doctors who promise that by injecting more blood into the vagina, it will give it a face-lift that will bolster orgasmic potential. Or self-proclaimed "sexperts" who put on female ejaculation retreats. Those kinds of offerings often exist side by side with credentialed and validated interventions. The second thing is to get to know your body. I think the most powerful intervention that I documented in my book was the realm of sexological bodywork. Lubrication And Lots Of Communication: Navigating A New Sexual Life After Menopause Shots - Health News Lubrication And Lots Of Communication: Navigating A New Sexual Life After Menopause What is that? It's a somatic approach to sexual healing that can — but does not necessarily — include genital touch. There's a profound opportunity there for ethical violations, especially because it's not a regulated practice. But for some of the women who I spoke to, they've said that this was the missing link in understanding their bodies. Sexological bodywork practitioners facilitate your self-knowledge of your body, pleasure, comfort, boundaries, feelings of confidence and being able to articulate "no." For example, "No, I don't want you to touch me here" and "I don't want you to look at me here." This helps women ask why they feel this way — and get to a point where they can say "yes." For women in a relationship with a man, how can male partners do more to help? Men can — and should — play a central role in helping women fully engage with their desires and sensations. They can do this by being compassionate and nonjudgmental listeners. By creating an erotic atmosphere in which men and women's needs command equal importance, and by encouraging interactions that depart from the wearied script of male arousal and release. Just as society tends to overly complicate female sexuality, we oversimplify men's, and they also benefit from shifting dynamics around. Any ideas of how to do that? I spoke with a number of couples, and one shared a story that made a deep impression. They're both middle-aged and both are experiential sexuality educators, so in many respects they're versed in subjects like male privilege and the ways female satisfaction gets short shrift. But all the same, these issues were showing up in their intimate life. At the woman's request, they decided to make sex just about her — so that it flowed from her interest and followed the course of her arousal. She told him, she didn't care how he took care of himself, but she didn't want to be a part of it. They came to call these sessions "The Experiment." To their mutual surprise, it lasted for a whole year. As they recounted this experience, the woman thanked her partner for his generosity, and he immediately and firmly responded, "No, it was my pleasure." They both felt they had benefited from the woman's sexual growth and the shared opportunity to expand their erotic vocabulary.How can more women allow themselves to experience sexual pleasure? That's one of the central questions in The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution, a book published this month by public health researcher and journalist Katherine Rowland. Rowland explores why American women aren't happy with their sex lives — and what they can do about it. A landmark study from 1999 found that over 40% of women surveyed experienced sexual dysfunction — the inability to feel satisfied by sex. A contributing factor, noted the researchers, was the lasting psychological effects of sexual trauma. The Pleasure Gap The Pleasure Gap American Women & the Unfinished Sexual Revolution By Katherine Rowland The Pleasure Gap highlights how desire and the mind are linked for women. "Pleasure is inextricable from our social status, compressed and constrained by financial factors, by safety factors, by objectification," she says. We need to remove these barriers, she says, to experience sex with the "full freedom, expression, range and truth that we're endowed with." Rowland argues that it is possible for women to take charge and reignite their libidos. She talked to NPR about why fake orgasms are a cause for alarm, how much sex couples should have per week and "sexological bodywork." This interview has been edited for length and clarity. You take issue with some of the research that tries to quantify sexual frequency and the idea that once a week may be the "optimal" amount. So how much sex should we be having? Our national obsession with sexual frequency and the terrifying specter of dead bedrooms overrides the fundamental importance of sexual quality. There is no volume of sex that's more or less good. For whatever reason, researchers have embraced this idea that we should be having sex once a week — that it's enough to sustain relationships and that it keeps depression, heart disease and obesity at bay. But none of that research looks at how participants actually feel about that sex — other than feeling good that they can check the box for having done it. You interviewed more than 120 women for this book. Many in heterosexual, long-term relationships told you that sex was an act of drudgery and that they often did whatever it took to get the job done. This felt sad to me. I found myself feeling beaten down by the near ubiquity of stories of faking it in that context. We tend to treat faking it as such a jokey matter. When the media reports on studies that try and capture the percentage of women who fake orgasm during sex, it tends to be from a male perspective saying "ouch" — focusing more on the bruising of men's feelings that occurs when women are lying to them as opposed to concerns surrounding the fact that women aren't feeling good. That women are feigning their pleasure in order to hasten that experience along — I think we need to treat that with real alarm. We need to ask: What's going on in that women are engaging in spectacle as opposed to actually allowing themselves to feel sensation? How To Talk About Sex (And Consent): 4 Lessons From The Kink Community Shots - Health News How To Talk About Sex (And Consent): 4 Lessons From The Kink Community Your book explores how some women have a low desire for sex. How does this happen? Among the women who I spoke to, the persistent low desire was heavily associated with the idea that sex should revolve around penetration as the main course, with maybe a polite prelude of a foreplay, rather than thinking about sex as a broader universe of intimacy. It's the combination of a larger culture that privileges male sexuality over women's, a culture that doesn't teach women that pleasure belongs to them. A lack of anatomical self-knowledge. And feelings of sort of persistent danger and women being often censored and censured for expressing their desire. You push back against the idea that the female orgasm is mysterious and elusive, which is how the media has sometimes described it. What would be a more accurate way to understand the female orgasm? It's more like riding a bicycle. You learn how to do it. And what we see is that as women become more versed with what their body can do, orgasm becomes more readily achievable. The female orgasm tends to get wrapped up in these fuzzy terms like "elusive" and "hazy" and "mysterious" because women aren't encouraged to explore what actually feels good. But if they were encouraged to self-pleasure and explore in real, sincere ways by themselves and with their partners, I think they would find that there is a world of pleasurable sensation available to them. In your book, you say that the goal is for women to have a "profound sexual experience." What do you mean by that? It can mean a number of things, and I don't think it necessarily has to be a sexual encounter in terms of our often narrow understanding of sex. The women who I spoke to describe it to me as feelings of transcendence, of approaching sex not just as a way for getting off or feeling good, but as a portal into a deeper state of self-knowledge. They often use the word "spiritual" — the alignment of self, sensation and possibility. Pleasure so deep it felt like a homecoming, like they had been restored to themselves, to the depths of their potential. How can women regain control over their sex lives? The first thing to do would be to stop absorbing [unscientific] outside knowledge. There is such a rash of faulty information out there as a result of our lack of sound science and solid education. We've seen this proliferation of experts pandering to the lowest common denominator. Online, you'll find doctors who promise that by injecting more blood into the vagina, it will give it a face-lift that will bolster orgasmic potential. Or self-proclaimed "sexperts" who put on female ejaculation retreats. Those kinds of offerings often exist side by side with credentialed and validated interventions. The second thing is to get to know your body. I think the most powerful intervention that I documented in my book was the realm of sexological bodywork. Lubrication And Lots Of Communication: Navigating A New Sexual Life After Menopause Shots - Health News Lubrication And Lots Of Communication: Navigating A New Sexual Life After Menopause What is that? It's a somatic approach to sexual healing that can — but does not necessarily — include genital touch. There's a profound opportunity there for ethical violations, especially because it's not a regulated practice. But for some of the women who I spoke to, they've said that this was the missing link in understanding their bodies. Sexological bodywork practitioners facilitate your self-knowledge of your body, pleasure, comfort, boundaries, feelings of confidence and being able to articulate "no." For example, "No, I don't want you to touch me here" and "I don't want you to look at me here." This helps women ask why they feel this way — and get to a point where they can say "yes." For women in a relationship with a man, how can male partners do more to help? Men can — and should — play a central role in helping women fully engage with their desires and sensations. They can do this by being compassionate and nonjudgmental listeners. By creating an erotic atmosphere in which men and women's needs command equal importance, and by encouraging interactions that depart from the wearied script of male arousal and release. Just as society tends to overly complicate female sexuality, we oversimplify men's, and they also benefit from shifting dynamics around. Any ideas of how to do that? I spoke with a number of couples, and one shared a story that made a deep impression. They're both middle-aged and both are experiential sexuality educators, so in many respects they're versed in subjects like male privilege and the ways female satisfaction gets short shrift. But all the same, these issues were showing up in their intimate life. At the woman's request, they decided to make sex just about her — so that it flowed from her interest and followed the course of her arousal. She told him, she didn't care how he took care of himself, but she didn't want to be a part of it. They came to call these sessions "The Experiment." To their mutual surprise, it lasted for a whole year. As they recounted this experience, the woman thanked her partner for his generosity, and he immediately and firmly responded, "No, it was my pleasure." They both felt they had benefited from the woman's sexual growth and the shared opportunity to expand their erotic vocabulary.

When you have a new relationship, how do you introduce your “freak” side to the other partner without scaring them? There are many vulnerabilities in sex, and you don’t always want to come on too strong. WEIRD SEXUAL FANTASIES Your sexual maturation is a lifelong pursuit of pleasure if you allow it. If what you desire continues to grow—with new fantasies and ideas exciting you—then you’re on the right track to a life of personal sexual development. What you want in your 20s and 30s differs from what might turn you on in your 50s and 60s. Sexual experiences are a never-ending gift. We can learn how to experience over 20 different orgasms. We can enjoy many types of dirty talk , from genital worship to fantasy stories. There is role play, toys, sex positions, making love in different places, or learning new techniques such as an Expanded Orgasm practice. We can try threesomes or go to sex parties—perfect for those with voyeuristic or exhibitionistic fantasies. Many folks enjoy light forms of bondage from Shibari (Japanese erotic rope play) to blindfolds and consensual impact play such as spanking. Sensation play is another burgeoning category of sex play that couples are loving. In the category of fetish, objects such as silk panties or body parts such as feet in high heels get cemented in our sexual response as arousing. If you’re worried that your particular desire is unusual, know that most people who embrace their sexuality have many fetishes and fantasies at any time. Once you move from missionary intercourse to sampling the smorgasbord of sexual delicacies, you will find many ideas that excite and ignite you. Remember to start small. Don’t disgorge your most unusual fantasy. Start with something that may be familiar.

Maintaining Sexual Life with Cancer Whether you are married, partnered or single, a breast cancer diagnosis does not mean an end to a rewarding sexual life. While your life may undergo readjustment, the insight you gained from the experience of breast cancer may enrich your relationships and restore a joyous sense of your body. If You Have a Partner Rebuilding a sexual relationship with your partner after treatment may take time as you adapt to changes in your body and thinking. The way you as a couple cope with the sexual side effects of treatment sometimes depends on the emotional strength of the relationship before diagnosis. Talk to your partner about what feels good (or doesn’t) and about new activities you may want to try. Sharing your feelings and your sexual fantasies will help the two of you find new ways to be intimate. New Approaches Are Okay If you find it difficult to become aroused during sexual touch, these ideas may help: Try sexual aids such as vibrators. Read erotic stories together or watch erotic movies. Write your fantasies in a journal. Share them with your partner. Make smaller changes by setting the mood with scented candles or watching a romantic film before lovemaking. You may find some types of sexual activity painful. Talk about other options with your partner. Touch parts of your body you may not have explored before. You may be surprised to find they bring about sexual pleasure. Go Easy Studies show partners of women affected by breast cancer care most that their loved one is alive and feeling well. Cuddling, hugging and massaging each other are good ways for both of you to become comfortable again with touch. Such physical contact can rekindle desire. There may be ups and downs as you navigate your new sexual territory. It’s OK to resume sexual activity slowly and give yourself and your partner time to adjust.rent source.
Lots of people masturbate! Even if they don’t talk about it, it’s surprisingly common for individuals of any gender or age to do it. Unfortunately, masturbating has had a particularly difficult reputation over the years with a particularly strong negative-stigma associated with either pornographic or sexual addictions. Of course, if used in an unbalanced way or out of harmony with your own body, it could interfere with a relationship and significantly put a damper on enjoying sex with a partner. However, it can be very beneficial to a person’s health, mental well-being and relationships – if not done excessively. Here is a list of 5 benefits to masturbating: Encourages Blood Flow and Increases Over-All Health Masturbation helps to bring blood flow to the erectile tissue for both men (penis) and women (clitoris). Since the body works on a “use it or lose it” system, getting regular and maximal blood flow helps keep these arteries and tissues healthy and functioning at peak performance. If an individual does not have a regular sex partner, masturbation can be the easiest way to maintain sexual function. The increased blood flow during arousal is especially important for people over 50 and can be one of the best ways for women to prevent the severity of vaginal symptoms after menopause. Interestingly, female masturbation also seems to have the benefit of lowering the possibility of vaginal and urinary tract infections through clearing out accumulated bacteria in the vagina through a process called "tenting," a function during arousal where the uterus and cervix are drawn upwards, allowing room for the penis to enter. The obstetrician, Dr. Jacquelyn Paykel explains on her website that: "The process of tenting stretches and pulls the mucous within the cervix, allowing for a rise in acidity in the cervical fluid. This increases 'friendly' bacteria and allows more fluid to move from the cervix into the vagina. When 'old' fluid moves from the tented cervix, it not only lubricates the vagina but also flushes out unfriendly organisms that can cause infections." Reduces Stress, Decreases Menstrual Pain and Increases Your Pain Threshold Since orgasming releases oxytocin (as well as other happy-endorphins in your brain), masturbation can help people feel calm and relaxed. Masturbation also helps to lower blood pressure and decrease overall stress and anxiety. This relaxation can even be used to help people struggling with sleep disorders to fall asleep. It also turns out that masturbation specifically does something particularly interesting to your body – you’re less likely to feel pain. This has been particularly noted in menstruating women. A now-famous study from Rutgers University found that women who were self-stimulating with a specially designed vaginal toy became much more capable of dealing with pain as well as detecting it. While they were masturbating, the average pain-tolerance increased by 74.6% and their ability to detect pain increased by 106.7%. Strengthens the Pelvic Floor The pelvic floor muscles are the layer of muscles that support the pelvic organs and span the bottom of the pelvis. The pelvic organs are the bladder and bowel in men and the: bladder, bowel, and uterus in women. As you age, you naturally lose muscle tone – everywhere. Regular sex or masturbation works out your pelvic floor muscles, which prevents bladder weakness and aids in genitalia-function in women and prevents erectile dysfunction and incontinence in men. Reduces the Risk of Contracting Prostate Cancer A 2004 study found that men who ejaculated more than 21 times a month reduced their risk of prostate cancer by roughly 33%, compared to guys who only did it 4-7 times a month. In 2016, researchers followed up with the same group of guys and found that those who ejaculated 8-12/month, reduced their prostate cancer risk by 10%. Helps Guys Last Longer During Sex Sometimes guys don’t last long in bed simply because they haven’t had enough practice, either solo or with a partner. Regularly jerking off (3-5 times a week) may help extend your stamina. Masturbating an hour before a date will help give you more control. Train yourself by timing how long it takes you to orgasm if it takes 2 minutes for you to finish solo, then aim for three next time. With practice, it’s been reported that most men can double the number of strokes and the time taken within one month.

New FAST, FUN, and Powerful...Introducing SPLASH Tropical Bullet You just may burst with pleasure from our New SPLASH TROPICAL Bullet. Its' twisty shape and unique textures will allow you find new ways to please yourself or your lover. It's small size, makes this a perfect toy for couple's foreplay or for the main event. This small bullet packs power and multispeed vibrations. Control is easy with our twist dial remote control, twist your way to the perfect speed. Add some color to your toy collection with the Tropical Splash! The sleeve is made of TPE, it's body safe/ Phthalate free and easy to clean! Just wash with warm soap and water, or your favourite toy cleaner, before and after every use. Pat dry with a soft towel before storing.

Discover intense pleasure during lovemaking with Double Play Vibrating Cock Ring. Each of the vibes is powered by one AAA battery. Your ring features 2 bullets that emit deep thumping vibrations that will please both partners simultaneously. Stretch the ring around the base of the penis and push the button to start the vibrations. Use the ring and bullet together, use just the bullet, or use just the ring. The perfect couple’s toy and the perfect solo toy as well. COMFORT – Soft, Stretchy Ring Ideal for Wearing On Your Shaft Or Behind Your Balls EASY - 1 Vibrating Speed Vibes and Rated IPX7 Waterproof So Its Easy To Clean POWER - No Watch Batteries! Requires 2 AAA Battery (Not Included) PEACE OF MIND - Made From TPE. Contains No Fragrances, Phthalates, Paraffins or Latex SIZE - 3 Inch Width x 1.65 Inch LengthThe body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
by Meghan Morgavan December 07, 2018 The kind of bacteria found in probiotics has the potential to aid in a wide range of conditions including digestive disorders, allergic disorders and the common cold. But did you know they can also aid or prevent vaginal conditions like yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and HPV? To get the full picture of how your body might be impacted by bacteria and probiotics, let’s start with the basics. Here are four surprising things you might not know about your microbiome. 1. You Have 1,000+ Strains of Bacteria in Your Body - And Not Just in Your Gut For starters, a "microbiome" is any collection of microorganisms living in a given environment. You may have heard that there are good bacteria and bad bacteria, but you might not know that there are over 100 trillion good bacteria in your body at any given time. On average, the breakdown is about 85% good and 15% bad bacteria. Probiotics are a way of describing the good bacteria that occur naturally in many fermented foods such as yogurt, kombucha, and kimchi, and can also be found in over-the-counter dietary supplements. You may have seen these in the refrigerated section of your grocery store; oftentimes, probiotics are stored at a lower temperature because many of the bacteria they include are sensitive to heat and moisture. However, those packed in capsules and those that use freeze-dried bacteria do not need to be refrigerated. 2. You Have Your Own Unique Bacterial Biome, Unlike Anyone Else’s Like a thumbprint, we all host a bacterial ecosystem that is unique to each of us, resulting from a combination of many factors such as our diet, our environment, and what we interact with from day to day. New research reveals that our microbiome may even develop inside the womb, which means our mother’s bacteria would have been a major influencer of our own microbiome. This unique quality also means that you have the power to influence your microbiome. It is not a static entity; it is constantly changing, and everything from the foods and drinks you consume to your physical activity and daily stress levels can greatly impact the strength of your body's microbiome - including your vaginal microbiome. 3. Bacteria Aids Much More Than Digestion We hear most often about our “gut microbiome” and how much probiotics with millions of bacteria can aid in digestion. What may surprise many to learn is that these good bacteria don’t just live in your gut. Lactobacilli – one of the primary bacterial strains found in your intestines – are also prevalent throughout the urogenital tract which includes your kidneys, bladder, urethra, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and vagina. You might be wondering: when Lactobacilli aren't aiding digestion, what do they do? Lactobacilli have the important job of making lactic acid, a key component to a healthy functioning vagina. Lactic acid stimulates healthy cervical mucus, and discourages the growth of unwanted bacteria, yeast, and viruses in your vagina. 4. Probiotics Can Positively Impact Your Vaginal Health If Lactobacilli already exist in your urogenital tract, what is the benefit of taking a probiotic? The answer has to do with the ways in which fluctuating levels of Lactobacilli can affect conditions that can arise when your natural defenses are down. For example, the presence of lactic acid helps keep the bacteria and overall ecosystem of your vagina balanced. And in turn, a healthy, balanced vaginal microbiome will help reduce the occurrence of the most common issues women deal with: yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. Research also suggests the health of your vaginal microbiome may be tied to the transmission of HPV. Conditions that are affected by your vaginal microbiome: Yeast infections are characterized by itching and white discharge, and over 200,000 women in the U.S. are treated for this condition each year. According to a 2009 study, Lactobacilli can disrupt yeast biofilms and inhibit the growth of urogenital pathogens. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) – If you have BV, you may not know it because the condition is not always symptomatic. However, an estimated 3 million women in the U.S. will be diagnosed with BV each year, and those with symptoms may experience odor, itching, or discharge. A 2009 study says BV is a condition resulting from a lack of Lactobacilli as well as the presence of a variety of other pathogens. In addition, the most common treatment today for BV is to employ antibiotics such as metronidazole. While metronidazole may treat the symptoms of BV, it also wipes out the population of all bacteria in your vagina (both good and bad). Vaginal probiotics may assist in restoring the population of beneficial Lactobacilli in your body. HPV and cervical cancer – A recent study in Microbiome suggests that factors such as the diversity of bacteria in the vagina combined with the quantity of Lactobacilli can affect HPV acquisition and persistence, and the development of cervical pre-cancer and cancer. If you're considering trying a vaginal probiotic, we highly recommend giving BiopHresh a try. 📷 BiopHresh Vaginal Probiotic Supplement is the only true women’s Bio Matched™ supplement with four strains of probiotics found in the vaginal tract. BiopHresh helps restore healthy vaginal flora, promotes urinary tract health*, and lowers the pH of the vagina.*